Accidental Awesomeness

Posted: September 11, 2014 in Uncategorized

Accidental Awesomeness

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Look left, move right

Posted: August 25, 2014 in Uncategorized

“I choose to not pay special attention to people who treat me like I don’t matter” – Someone very wise

The Future Is On Fire

Posted: August 21, 2014 in Uncategorized

Sunrise

Hunger of the Pine

Posted: August 20, 2014 in Uncategorized

Well hello there fucking bad ass song with an equally awesome video.
I foresee this song on repeat in my future.

Rise and Shine

Posted: August 15, 2014 in Uncategorized

As I watch the moon rise over the sea,
I listen, waiting to hear what he will say to me

Will he tell me he loves me, he needs me, don’t go
Or will he command me to fall in line and do as I’m told…

Left right left right left

The rocky path to him is paved in gold
He controls the waves and to the shore they roll

He is silent for now I will hold fast
I fear for now the time has passed

I close my eyes and make my wish
And finally words form on his lips…

Left right left right left

He is always and never the same and it is strangely comforting

full moonOverWater

From the Teeth of Angels

Posted: August 14, 2014 in Uncategorized

For years i have been in love with Jonathan Carroll as a writer.
I have read and reread all of his books.
If you have not read anything by him i suggest you find one of his books and give it a go.
He’s one of those writers that gets you so attached to the characters and stories that you want to call into work so you can stay home and see where the pages are going to take you.
I’m almost done with From the Teeth of Angels again. Last night one line of the book got to me and i just keep repeating it over and over in my head…

“Because I still need to write my life in what remains of this moment.”

The words are beautiful in themselves.
I read the line over and over, read on for a few pages and then went back for more.
I haven’t figured out yet why this line gets so deep inside me.
I want to see it written in different hand writing.
Want to hear the words spoken from different lips, in multiple accents.
See the shape of someones mouth as the syllables are formed.
I want to hear it while floating in the water and see it written in the clouds.
These words have surrounded me and i surrender.

I’m not sure who Brianna Wiest is but this is all good advice to take.

18 Things Every Person Must Do In Their Lifetime
Oct. 6, 2013
By Brianna Wiest
1. Accept that there will be whole swaths of you that will always seem like a mystery. There will be things that may never make sense. There will be questions that may always go unanswered. Despite this, you must stop questioning the steady sense of knowing your body somehow delivers to you anyway. Even when logic would seem to defeat it, and your mind is combatting it furiously. That knowing is your truth. That knowing is what you have to act on without sound reason. We call this the leap of faith. Learn to take it.
2. Learn what it means to have radical empathy. Realize that underneath it all we are the same. We have all suffered. We have all known loss, heartbreak, grief, sadness, tragedy and misfortune, all in the uniqueness of our own experiences. You may not know what someone’s story is but you do know what it feels like to have a knife going through you when you lose someone you love. What it’s like to be completely alone and thwarted from society. You always have the ability to understand people at that very raw, human level. It’s only a matter of how much you’re willing to see yourself in them.
3. If you love someone, freaking tell them. Write it on notes next to their bed and in journals that they’ll one day find and interrupt their sentences with it if you have to. There is nothing more important than being vocal about loving someone. You want to know the truth? We are all starving for love and acceptance and if you love someone you need to tell them that without being afraid that they don’t love you as much, or at all. That’s not love. That’s greed. That’s neediness. That’s the desire for affirmation and attention. Love, in it’s purest, untapped form, does not hinge on the requirement that they’ll love you in return.
4. Let loving someone or not loving someone be enough in deciding whether or not you want to be with them. The rest are augmentable details. But that core is unchanging.
5. Have a verifiably effective plan for coping with emotional pain. Sometimes wicked anxiety crops up out of nowhere. Some days we’ll be just going along our way and then all of a sudden all of the issues of our childhood come sweeping back through us like we never grew out of them and we panic and hold onto them because we don’t know how to let go because it seems like doing so will give them the power to sneak up on us again. In these moments, you need a friend to call and a shoulder to lean on and a playlist to blast and a journal to write in. And somewhere in that journal, you need to have written: “this too shall pass.”
6. Stop trying to convince people to love you. With what you wear, in sullied comments that dig for their appreciation, in how your interests have forcefully evolved to complement or mirror those of whom you are so desperately trying to win over. Stop doing things so you’ll be regarded highly in other people’s opinions. That won’t make them love you more. It will only drive you farther away from yourself.
7. Learn to say sorry and mean it. Realize that what most wisdom stems from is forgiveness: for ourselves, for others, for what happened and for what’s missing, for what’s unstable and what’s gone unacknowledged. Realize that you won’t always receive an apology and you still may have to find forgiveness anyway. Realize that’s the only way to understand just how powerful a genuine apology can be.
8. Write lists and make goals and always keep yourself moving toward something. Joy is in the moment, but hope is in tomorrow. It’s a fine balance that takes lifetimes to perfect. Don’t feel bad if you err toward one mindset or another. Just don’t forget that when you do fall too deeply into focusing on today or tomorrow, that you always have the other option.
9. Accept that while most things end up okay, not everything does. Some things may dig themselves into you and you’ll carry them through your whole life. Sometimes things go mysteriously unresolved. Sometimes you’ll fight hard and lose. Sometimes you’ll be so far in denial that acceptance isn’t something you start to approach for years. It’s important to be okay with not being okay. It’s part of the human condition. It’s very beautiful if you let it show you a deeper route into yourself.
10. Stand up for what’s just. Stand up for love and stand up for equality and respect. Don’t be a bystander in someone else’s life but more importantly, don’t be a bystander in your own.
11. Let yourself be useless sometimes. You can’t spend your entire life reveling in achievement. In fact, you’ll spend most of your days on your knees grappling with what you’re most passionate about. You’ll turn up on the other side eventually, but not without days upon days of climbing.
12. Say thank you even when you don’t feel gratitude. It’s not that you shouldn’t feel it, but sometimes you just might not. But saying “thank you” is one of those rare things in which you do entirely for the other person. Saying thank you doesn’t help you. It helps the other person want to give again. You won’t understand what “thank you” means until it’s given to you after you’ve truly given to someone else. Foster that for other people and keep the cycle going. It will come back to you eventually.
13. Never go into anything thinking you are entitled to it because you are talented, because you have suffered for it or because it’s time for the universe to cater to your needs just this once. This will never be the truth.
14. Buy a notebook. Write down what you want. Write down what hurts you. Show it to someone you love. Save it for your children. Burn it in your backyard. Either way, go to bed knowing that in some way, those things are out of you.
15. Know the difference between the limits that withhold you and the limits that are crucial for you to obey. Draw your lines accordingly. Live your life around them.
16. Learn to comfort someone. Head nods and “I understands” won’t mean jack shit when someone is really in the depths of something. If you love someone, know when it’s time to order their favorite food and hold their hand the way they like and respond in the way they are looking to be responded to. Sometimes it’s with empathy and understanding, sometimes it’s with problem-solving mechanisms and jokes to lighten things. You won’t know unless you know someone thoroughly. There are reasons people don’t just look to anybody when they’re really in need. These are them.
17. Learn to enjoy talking about something that doesn’t come at the expense of someone else.
18. Realize how important it is to mourn properly. This means letting yourself be a whole big ball of effing mess now and again. Things and people will phase in and out as scheduled. You can’t keep holding on for their return because most often, they won’t come. But that withholding will shape you, and it will shape you through your own self-induced pain and suffering. If you don’t want that to be your story, write it a different way. It starts with saying goodbye to what’s not meant for us and what’s left inexplicably. Your quality of life will completely depend on how well you embrace this. Choose wisely.

Sometimes you just have to

Posted: July 31, 2014 in Uncategorized

be-your-own-hero

Until we bleed

Posted: July 24, 2014 in Uncategorized

This song hasjust what I’ve been looking for. This one really plugged up a hollow spot.
I already had a soft spot for Lykke Li and her tragically magical vocal styling’s, she’s outdone herself here.
I want to hear this one on the open sea.
In a boat,
on a raft,
floating in the waves…
I just want to drift to it.
I want to feel this on the outside the way it makes me feel on the inside.
This one makes me remember why I have never stopped searching and I never will.

And if the sun comes up…

Posted: July 20, 2014 in Uncategorized

That’s how it starts
We go back to your house
We check the charts
And start to figure it out

And if it’s crowded, all the better
Because we know we’re gonna be up late
But if you’re worried about the weather
Then you picked the wrong place to stay
That’s how it starts

And so it starts
You switch the engine on
We set controls for the heart of the sun
One of the ways we show our age

And if the sun comes up, if the sun comes up, if the sun comes up
And I still don’t wanna stagger home
Then it’s the memory of our betters
That are keeping us on our feet

You spent the first five years trying to get with the plan
And the next five years trying to be with your friends again

You’re talking 45 turns just as fast as you can
Teah, I know it gets tired, but it’s better when we pretend

It comes apart
The way it does in bad films
Except in parts
When the moral kicks in

Though when we’re running out of the drugs
And the conversation’s winding away
I wouldn’t trade one stupid decision
For another five years of life

You drop the first ten years just as fast as you can
And the next ten people who are trying to be polite
When you’re blowing eighty-five days in the middle of France
Yeah, I know it gets tired only where are your friends tonight?

And to tell the truth
Oh, this could be the last time
So here we go
Like a sales force into the night

And if I made a fool, if I made a fool, if I made a fool
On the road, there’s always this
And if I’m sewn into submission
I can still come home to this

And with a face like a dad and a laughable stand
You can sleep on the plane or review what you said
When you’re drunk and the kids leave impossible tasks
You think over and over, “hey, I’m finally dead.”

Oh, if the trip and the plan come apart in your hand
Tou look contorted on yourself your ridiculous prop
You forgot what you meant when you read what you said
And you always knew you were tired, but then
Where are your friends tonight?

Where are your friends tonight?
Where are your friends tonight?

If I could see all my friends tonight
If I could see all my friends tonight
If I could see all my friends tonight
If I could see all my friends tonight